The Creed of the Cult of the Walker

Two days ago on my early-morning walk, I ran into a neighbor I see often. He collects cans as he walks, cleaning up the neighborhood and donating the proceeds to a worthwhile cause. I said I hadn’t seen him in a while and told him now that I knew he was in town, I’d leave some soft drink cans for him at the end of my sidewalk.

I knew as soon as the words left my mouth that they smashed one of the cardinal rules of the Cult of the Walker: Never imply that he or she has broken his/her walking routine.

“I’ve been out here every day,” he replied defensively.

I tried to make amends by saying that I of course had been walking late, or a different route, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

I know the rules of the Cult of the Walker because I am a walker. I walk in the walker’s shoes, follow the walker’s path. I’ve defended my walking just as vigorously when facing a friendly, “Where’ve ya been? I haven’t seen ya!” To a regular walker, that sounds like an accusation and a challenge.

Walking, especially walking solo, is a personal ritual. Some of us use the walk as thinking time, problem-solving time and dog-training time. Walkers usually don’t mind waving or smiling, but don’t want to engage more than that. This is especially true for early-morning walkers, who might require a walk to make them more sociable, just like a dog that is more relaxed and calm after a walk.

To make things easier for those who don’t know the Creed of the Cult of the Walker, here it is. It also works for those of us in the cult who sometimes forget:

1.Don’t try to strike up a conversation, especially with someone walking early in the a.m. He or she is probably on a schedule and/or trying to beat the traffic.
2. If you walk with your dog, pick up his poop. If you have to ask why, you need a new routine.
3. Savvy walkers face traffic. It’s a safety thing. We want to see the car before it hits us. That way perhaps we can reveal the license plate number to someone before we succumb.
4. If you are a walker or runner who, for whatever reason, prefers to journey through life on the wrong side of the street and you come face-to-face with a walker who is on the correct side (facing traffic), consider crossing to your own side temporarily. You do have your own side, you know. It’s not polite to invade the other person’s space, and doing so could be hazardous to your health if that walker has a dog or a big stick.
5. If you encounter a walker who normally walks with a dog and then one day he walks alone, don’t ask. He will tell you where the dog is if he wants to.
6. If you are a motorist, please don’t honk. Even good-naturedly. Especially in the early morning.
7. If you have a gift to bestow upon the walker, be sure it’s small enough to fit in a pocket. Someone tried to give me a blanket once. I am not kidding.
8. Letting your dog run loose to do his business is not the same thing as walking him. You might think it doesn’t matter because no one else is out either. You would be wrong. We are out here, and it matters. You might have heard me yelling at your dog to keep him from following me.
9. Don’t dump your dog in the hope that a walker, or someone else, will take it home. If you do this and I find you I will haunt you.
10. Finally, never, ever imply that the walker is walking later, earlier, hasn’t walked in a while or has changed anything about her routine. In fact, don’t say anything. Stay on your side of the street and wave pleasantly.